i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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