dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize