Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
