life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the room spins SO much faster in panama
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
