is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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