dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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