were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
