I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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