nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
