There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
