I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
