I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
