After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
