your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
