lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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