No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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