How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
