Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
