i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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