it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
