Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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