Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
