So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
