My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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