At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
