They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
