Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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