k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize