1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
operation harelip BJ is a go
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
