the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
