No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize