he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
