I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
