I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
