are you still at the devil's house?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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