I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
