PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
