It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
