Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
