He kissed a someone with a penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
