this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
