paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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