She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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