i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
