I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
