you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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