So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
