just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
