He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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