My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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