Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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