she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
