I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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