When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize