The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
