Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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