He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize