Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
