Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
