We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
