At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
