just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
