I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
