i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize