Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
