my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
