Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
