Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
