Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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