Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
