After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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